Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Operation: Thanksgiving


New Intel has come in for your next mission.  Please log on, to get details.  This was the message I received on my phone.  Here's what I can share with you, the public...Don't tell anyone.  This is Delta level clearance.

Mission Objective:  Infiltrate Thanksgiving dinner at the in-laws and take out the operative known as the "Sister-In-Law."  By any means necessary.  If you choose not to accept the mission, you will be eliminated, as you already know too much.  Sorry dude...

Operative Profile:  "The Sister-In-Law" goes by many aliases, but will be known as SIL, for the remainder of your briefing.  She has committed numerous social and parenting faux pas over the years.  The time is now to take her out as a threat.

Beware of the two "hit midgets" known as "The Twin Terrors."  They are posing as her fraternal twins, but are really highly skilled assassins.  They will break you down mentally, physically and emotionally.  Be careful, they will kill you if the opportunity arises, even at a family holiday.

Known Assets: Our best in house operative known as "The Wife."

On sight, freelance operatives known publicly as: "The In-Laws," consisting of Mom and Dad In-Law, aka "Team Out-Law," to our team of assets.

Other team members are unavailable.  You will not have access to: The Wardens, Brains or Viper, introduced earlier in your briefings.  Don't start crying...They are on assignment and No, I don't know where and you can't call them.  Suck it up.

Weapons/Equipment:  Are already on sight.  You have at your disposal:  2 NFL Football games, a 40 minute version of "Alice's Restaurant," ear plugs and tryptophan.  Use the tryptophan wisely.  You most likely will have only one shot at the target known as, SIL.

Good luck, godspeed and again...Stop crying man!  You'll be fine.  I know "The Twin Terrors" are beyond scary, but get over it.  Geez...

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