Don't Forget The Butt Paste

Since January 30th, was both the NHL All-Star game and the NFL Pro-Bowl, we decided to go register for baby stuff.  Basically, I wasn't upset as a sports fan, because all-star games are a waste of time.  My wife, myself and my mother, who has "baby fever" went.  She will be a first time Grandmother, so she's out of her mind, in a good way. 

We all meet up after some miscommunication, well, not really, my Mom got it in her head that we were going to Target.  She thinks we're going to let her babysit, everyone is under "double secret probation."  If you can't remember where we're going, what makes me think you'd remember the baby?  That's a question I ask myself everyday, like I'm cramming for a test.  When in doubt answer "C," and when in doubt, don't forget the baby.

We get all situated with the Babies "R" Us book "that you must follow" and the handy dandy gun.  You give me a gun like object and it's the Wild West circa 1881.  I turn into Dork Holliday, looking to take on any 16-24 month old in the store.  I had a nice stare down with a little punk in the toy aisle, but I let him off the hook after realizing he was looking at the Elmo doll behind me.  Lucky for him, I'm very quick on the draw, he got off easy.  Next time, I'm taking him down.

I'm going to throw this out right here.  I hated registering for our wedding.  I don't like picking things out for myself.  I know in a way registering for the baby is still picking stuff out for yourself, but for me, it was more fun....to a point.  After awhile it did become ridiculous.  The prices, the amount of stuff that the baby needs and just everything else.  The book is designed to take you through the entire store from back to front.  It's very clever in it's layout.  For new parents that don't know anything, you just click on everything.  Luckily, my Mom was there and we have other things from family already waiting for us.  Not much, but some things.

The prices are nuts.  You can get this stroller/car seat/diaper changer/bath tub for $15,000.  For people that don't believe that Transformers really exist, go to a Babies "R" Us.  Cribs that transform into beds and strollers that have a car seat attachment.  The people that invented Pack N Plays smoked some heavy duty weed to come up with that thing.  The baby can nap here, get their diapers changed, do long division and workout in the private gym.  Technology is just fascinating.  Still the thing costs $32,000 and you need three of them.

I couldn't figure out if registering for a baby should be a game show or an Olympic event.  The prices would make the game show the hardest ever.  It would be like Showcase Showdown on the Prices Right.  "Your bid for the baby's nursery is incorrect, the correct answer is closer to the National Debt."  The Olympic event would be who could take the fastest route, while still registering for the most stuff, based on importance.  Baby stuff is the way to go, because if you make a half decent product, you'll sell hundreds of thousands of units.  No questions asked.  The baby must have it, especially if it's trendy.

By the way, we forgot the Butt Paste, but will put it on the registry, because it's supposed to be good stuff and also to see if anyone will buy it.