Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Celebrity Survivor

Narrator's Voice: "We're behind the scenes here at Survivor.  In just a moment, we'll be visited by host Jeff Probst, who will talk about this historic season."

Jeff Probst: "Look folks, I don't have to explain how this game is played.  You already know that.  What I will talk about is how we went about picking our location this year.  The producers don't really want this, but since I am a producer...screw 'em."

Narrator: "Okay...Umm...I think Mr. Probst...has to be...umm, I think we're heading to a commercial...

Probst: "Listen here talk box...I'm going to talk about some secrets...It'll be amazing for ratings."  "Anyways, the locations that were in the running for this year's Survivor are; Madagascar...actually, that was the only one.  The producers wouldn't let me pitch the other locations I wanted.  Siberia, we haven't had a cold weather Survivor ever.  It would definitely be different.  The other location I had was, Detroit.  Living on the street, trying to find food.  Then I was informed that the homeless people were all pissed about it.  When did they get TV's?"

Control Room: Roll the Intro...Roll the intro!!!

Probst: "The reason why all the participants are not shown in the opening and have been kept a secret is, because they are all celebrities." 

Probst yells to the control truck..."Really?  Even that guy?  He's a celebrity?  That's the best we could do?"

Control Room: "I should've stayed on The Amazing Race."

Probst:  "Let's bring out all 20 of our Player's..."

Player's will be entering from off camera, with a voice over telling you who they are.

Voice over: Our first player is the Swedish muscle man and world famous actor; Dolph Lundgren

The next player is former volleyball player and model; Gabrielle Reece

The next participant played a character that was Lost on TV and now he's lost in real life; Josh Holloway

This next woman has been on our televisions for years; Ming-Na

Probst: "Blah..blah...blah...Bring them all out.  Let's get this thing going!"

The camera pulls back and you see all of the players:

Gary Busey (actor/all around mess)
Andy Hillstrand (Deadliest Catch)
Kerri Walsh (pro-volleyball)
Mia Hamm (pro-soccer)
Jimmy Johnson (2nd chance, football coach)
Wanda Sykes (comedian)
Cote de Pablo (NCIS)
Tia Carrere (actress)
Quinton "Rampage" Jackson (MMA fighter)
John Mayer (musician)
Bam Margera (skateboarder/stunt man)
Jillian Michaels (Biggest Loser)
Linda Hamilton (actress)
Mike Tyson (ex-boxer)

Probst: "Okay, where are they?  Get them out here..."

Out walks, Dennis Rodman and Sarah Palin.

Palin: "He's so big and he wears more makeup than I do.  I wonder what they'd think of him in Alaska?"

Rodman: "Ain't nobody prepared for the Rod-zilla, baby."

Probst: "We were going to split up into tribes, but that will just have to wait until next time."

This season on Survivor:  Tyson: "No, you can't kill the chickens like that, they'll must...tear their heads off."

Busey: "I know what I'm doing, I was in Vietnam."

Sykes: "You played a Vietnam vet.  Who else here has played a Vietnam vet?"  Thee hands go up.

Palin: "I can't see Russia from here, we're not in Alaska anymore."

Editor's Note: This is a parody, which will be written by myself and my wife.

No comments:

Post a Comment