Narrator's Voice: "We're behind the scenes here at Survivor. In just a moment, we'll be visited by host Jeff Probst, who will talk about this historic season."
Jeff Probst: "Look folks, I don't have to explain how this game is played. You already know that. What I will talk about is how we went about picking our location this year. The producers don't really want this, but since I am a producer...screw 'em."
Narrator: "Okay...Umm...I think Mr. Probst...has to be...umm, I think we're heading to a commercial...
Probst: "Listen here talk box...I'm going to talk about some secrets...It'll be amazing for ratings." "Anyways, the locations that were in the running for this year's Survivor are; Madagascar...actually, that was the only one. The producers wouldn't let me pitch the other locations I wanted. Siberia, we haven't had a cold weather Survivor ever. It would definitely be different. The other location I had was, Detroit. Living on the street, trying to find food. Then I was informed that the homeless people were all pissed about it. When did they get TV's?"
Control Room: Roll the Intro...Roll the intro!!!
Probst yells to the control truck..."Really? Even that guy? He's a celebrity? That's the best we could do?"
Control Room: "I should've stayed on The Amazing Race."
Probst: "Let's bring out all 20 of our Player's..."
Player's will be entering from off camera, with a voice over telling you who they are.
Voice over: Our first player is the Swedish muscle man and world famous actor; Dolph Lundgren
The next player is former volleyball player and model; Gabrielle Reece
The next participant played a character that was Lost on TV and now he's lost in real life; Josh Holloway
This next woman has been on our televisions for years; Ming-Na
Probst: "Blah..blah...blah...Bring them all out. Let's get this thing going!"
The camera pulls back and you see all of the players:
Gary Busey (actor/all around mess)
Andy Hillstrand (Deadliest Catch)
Kerri Walsh (pro-volleyball)
Mia Hamm (pro-soccer)
Jimmy Johnson (2nd chance, football coach)
Wanda Sykes (comedian)
Cote de Pablo (NCIS)
Tia Carrere (actress)
Quinton "Rampage" Jackson (MMA fighter)
John Mayer (musician)
Bam Margera (skateboarder/stunt man)
Jillian Michaels (Biggest Loser)
Linda Hamilton (actress)
Mike Tyson (ex-boxer)
Probst: "Okay, where are they? Get them out here..."
Out walks, Dennis Rodman and Sarah Palin.
Palin: "He's so big and he wears more makeup than I do. I wonder what they'd think of him in Alaska?"
Rodman: "Ain't nobody prepared for the Rod-zilla, baby."
Probst: "We were going to split up into tribes, but that will just have to wait until next time."
This season on Survivor: Tyson: "No, you can't kill the chickens like that, they'll suffer...you must...tear their heads off."
Busey: "I know what I'm doing, I was in Vietnam."
Sykes: "You played a Vietnam vet. Who else here has played a Vietnam vet?" Thee hands go up.
Palin: "I can't see Russia from here, we're not in Alaska anymore."
Editor's Note: This is a parody, which will be written by myself and my wife.
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